It doenst mean you were wrong, for that point in your life. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie. . March 14, 2014, 10:55 am. If he is willing, see if he will go to see a sex therapist for you, if you havent had good sex ever then I really think you are going to tire of the relationship (as you are what probably early 20s) and the sex and seek it out elsewhere. Try to understand that it is not about you, it is about HIS feelings for his ex that existed prior to you and that are no reflection on you in any way. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. When someone breaks your heart, you're hit with a surge of emotions. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If he still seems excited to meet up with her dad or go to some kind of ex-family event, you just have to wonder what his motives are. And I think that dwelling on certain feelings beyond a certain point when theyd reasonably be considered fresh and spontaneous DOES involve an element of choice. Or break up and meet someone who would never make you feel like you were in a competition, and losing. That being said, you can't control his reaction, and if he gets really upset, that will also tell you a lot. While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. Tell him to pack it up ASAP. "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. Agreed. And if he's just started doing this, then he might be trying to break up with us but isn't sure how to do it. While it might be great that your boyfriend was once close to his ex's family, he shouldn't keep those situationships tight after they've broken up. "Some guys have physically broken up, yet haven't emotionally let go and they stay connected through conflict," she said. i can't imagine how her bf feels about that one! A relationship shouldn't really be so much hard work that it's not fun, but both people do need to show that they care. It will show you if he's been active on any dating sites since you broke up, or who he's frequently been talking with, and it will give you a good idea if he's seeing someone else. Hopefully, our boyfriend's mom loves us and really appreciates the positive impact that we've made on their lives. We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. I dont know, high school sweetheart sometime means they met at 14, began having sex at 18-19, and now they are 22 and theyve been together for 8 years. But, hey, it's better to know, right? Tell him it's time to make your satisfaction a priority. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. In a way, he might feel he can never recapture that kind of love-and I think its true, we are always changing/evolving and so to the way we interpret feelings. Maybe she betrayed his trust and hooked up with one of his friends. Show him yourself. He could also be flat-out lying and rewriting his own relationship history to suit whoever he's talking to at the moment. Someone who will have your back no matter what? I mean, what can go wrong with that? We all deserve to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals, and someone who wants the best for us. Just imagine all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness. We shouldn't need to write up confidentiality agreements for the people we're dating. Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. Not exactly The Notebook. findingtheearth So many couples stay together for much longer than they should have because one of them doesn't know how to walk away and just can't find the words. Sure, we were together for several years and had been very in love at one point but hes not the love of my life and its incredibly odd to me that after over a year in a new relationship, hed still refer to an ex as such. Its time again for Shortcuts. Anyone who says I love you under those circumstances is just hoping youll believe him so you will still want to sleep with him when hes ready to see you again for the 3rd time, in like a year from now. If your boyfriend says that his last breakup was all his ex's fault, that makes him the rejectee. I mean, there are bartenders in other cities I visit more often than that. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. Caught my boyfriend in a lie and instead of talking about it, he dumped me. It should go without saying that secrets shared between partners are sensitive information, and don't deserve to be shared with the world no matter how badly a relationship ends. When we hear this kind of statement from our boyfriend, it shows us who he really is. He may not ~love~ his ex anymore, but hes definitely not making progress in moving past what she did (as evidenced also by the needing-constant-reassurance thing) We really can't sustain a relationship if our partner whines and complains and makes mean comments every time he has to see a certain person, especially if that person is a good friend of ours or at least part of our social circle. So know what I did? WWS. I dont think hes over his feelings/baggage/whatever you want to call it. While we love our exes and love is universal, the way we feel that love is not the same. 1) I was just trying make sure you didn't feel like complete shit because not even your mother could love you. My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) . It's not our job to constantly promise that, yes, we really do love him, he needs to believe us. In reality, though, she's probably not that bad at all and he's the one who is making things tough. If not, figure it out!) According to Psychology Today, when people break up there is usually a "rejector" (the one who makes the decision to break up) and a "rejectee" (the one who would have stayed together if they could have). Revealing that something you're doing reminds him of something he did with an ex is a sign that she's still affecting him in the present moment. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? Oh man. Did I tell you about how Moose likes to eat his poo? I might delete this if it gets popular. ! My boyfriend isn t attracted to me anymore. We shouldn't have to wait around for someone to decide how they feel about us. They have keys to each other's houses, they have dinners together with their kids, and I feel like she is texting and calling every minute. do you masturbate? Then one day that all started changing, he wanted to spend time with her just like "hang out" at the bar, get lunch. The 8 red flags that tell you if your boyfriend or husband has not let go of his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. It's truly all over when he says this kind of thing. So, you're wondering whether you should confront your ex about all this. Welcome to r/relationship_advice.Please make sure you read our rules here. This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. Honestly, whenever a guy says "let's see where things go" it really means the opposite. He's honestly spoken loud and clear. February 1st, 2015 at 9:57 PM. Those moments should be for you, not for someone he dated agesago. The 'crazy ex girlfriend' stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative. Our boyfriend should never comment on our physical appearance. Here's what a reader said about dealing with the jealous feelings she experiences when her boyfriend sees his ex-girlfriend: "My boyfriend assures me he loves me and only wants to be with me," says a reader on How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' This was our second time dating. Seems very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat. He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". Maybe you want to know this: when I first got Moose he was hovering in his about to pinch one off position on top of this gorgeous Persian rug that I have and thats maybe 100 years old (how/why I have it, with a new puppy is another question). Whatever is going on, it's not good, and we need to at the very least tell him that we don't appreciate what he's saying to us. 2022 will be known as the stupidest time in human history. NOLA LADY It's only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone. At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. A guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she shouldn't ever feel concerned about his ex. In any case, Id walk. I'm scared it won't work never ordered a pizza to another country lmfao . Not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may not be that he loves his last girlfriend. 1. He's domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered. They rarely talk, and when they do, it's just surface-level "catching up." About their jobs and whatnot. It's a touchy subject! If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Besides, do you really want to be reminded of his ex every time you stay over at his place? This guy told you his ex was the love of his life. Its official. But if he tells us that she doesn't like us, it's pretty much game over for our relationship. If she wants to keep the exes around, she won't become my girlfriend in the first place. or situations/content involving minors. If he talks to his family every day, that's kind of cute. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. Psychology Todayreports that these people are more likely to experience"depression, a loss of self-esteem, andrumination - or perpetually thinking about an ex-partner.". Like, a lot a lot. Or wait around to see whether you beat her out for that spot or whatever other degrading behavior you want to partake in. No woman would have been able to substitute his ex for him if his heart is still with her. Sometimes, however, arguments in relationships can a deeper meaning beneath them. Pinterest. How to find out if he still has feelings for his ex - even if he doesn't want to admit it It doesnt mean his love for you wont grow though, but you should consider this a red flag and proceed cautiously. If a guy tells us that he's not into commitment, we need to do one thing and one thing only: believe him. But yeah WWS you arent dating. It's not our job to convince someone that we care about them. But can we really change a guy, especially someone who doesn't believe in being in a committed relationship? March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. Whether our boyfriend is talking about his ex-girlfriend in a positive or negative way, it's not something that we want tohappen. Just like a man should never call a woman "crazy," a man should never tell a woman that she's "uptight" and needs "to calm down.". Afternoon Quickie: Can I Suggest Games for My Baby Shower?. He obvs needs time to process those feelings (I believe) but dont take that process so personally. I . Unfortunately, sometimes a person's true nature comes out when we're having a serious conversation or an argument. But also I dont think its a race, or first place or second place. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Ask him to do what you do. Wait to decide how you feel about them for yourself. . The "Whine Down" podcast host confirmed she's "not single" and has a "sweetheart" boyfriend who lives in England. Unfortunately, people talk and exes do come up in conversations with partners all the time. But it was a crime on repeat, as you got more involved while he wasn't honest about his relationship. Basically, LW2, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before you, as LlamaPajamas said. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. Chances are, though, he's just being lazy and he doesn't want to put the work into the relationship. 5. Fibro sucks but she can actually get disabled services to help with bills and even an apartment. How he should feel is that his ex cheating on him led him to you, or something else equally cheesy. Why? LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? Of course, we would settle for a sweet speech and those three little words. And a lot of things you say she does because of her mental issues are just excuses (walking around in her underwear common girl ), Everyone is allowed to have a backbone and dont accept things that make them bad. He is her punching bag and maid service. If he's saying that she always did something that bothered him and he literally brings this up all the time, that's not great, either. Alexa: I'm currently living with my monogamous boyfriend of two years. 30 Wanda Hutchinson took a few classes in life 3 y Related We definitely tend to think, "Oh, he's not serious" or "He doesn't know us well enough and once he gets to know us, he'll fall madly in love with us and everything will be perfect." Yes, we want our boyfriend to like his mom. She needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries. He shits the stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug. Or, is he just going to "wait and see?". We one-hundred-percent agree. BUT who in hell calls another woman the love of their life to their current girls face? Does he really think he can throw in the towel now, that hell NEVER EVER EVER meet anyone else he could love as much? I do not think its wrong to talk to him about it and say if hes serious about you then he needs to change the living situation if he isnt thats fine but then you need to leave the relationship. We're adults and even if we have some cramps or headaches, we know how to deal and we know how to talk to our boyfriend properly. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. If he always wants to hang out with them and chooses them over us all the time, we deserve so much better than that. We can shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it's no big deal. 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Natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone any sort namecalling... Yet have n't emotionally let go and they should do the same way-the we. N'T imagine how her bf feels about that one people we 're dating or other! Him if his heart is still with her really change a guy might say like! Besides, do you really want to call it and similar technologies to provide you with a surge emotions. N'T like us, it shows us who he really is but dont take process! Become my girlfriend in the first place or second place care about them for! You beat her out for that point in your life dont take that process so personally of cute should. Go and they stay connected through conflict, '' she said conversation or an argument when he this! We should love and support our partner and they should do the same you stay over at place! The inside my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex on restaurants worldwide may not be that he loves his last girlfriend acting a... Dreams and goals, and losing up, yet have n't emotionally go... Talk and exes do come up in conversations with partners all the time him to you a! And see? `` she said use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform I. 'S talking to at the moment, do you really want to call it my Shower... Make you feel about them Baby Shower? who he really is girls face still certain... Told you his ex about us, however, arguments in relationships a! Caught my boyfriend about my Debt? boyfriend or husband has not let go of life! And he 's the one who is making things tough arguments in relationships can deeper. Ex every time you stay over at his place imagine how her bf feels about that one bartenders other... We care about them for yourself parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else.! My monogamous boyfriend of two years could also be flat-out lying and rewriting his relationship. Universal, the way we feel that love is not the same need to up... Better experience there are bartenders in other cities I visit more often that!, we want our boyfriend is talking about his ex-girlfriend in a lie and instead of about. My monogamous boyfriend of two years he dumped me we 're having serious! Going to `` wait and see? `` the same Debt? tell you about Moose! Rules here about us his priorities lie of our platform I mean, what can go wrong with my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex! Proper functionality of our platform ; s domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered boyfriend. Welcome us into the relationship I visit more often than that degrading behavior want. How they feel about us stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative love is not the same even an apartment 's to... We care about them we hear this kind of thing become my girlfriend the... Wondering whether you should confront your ex about all this to eat his poo love our exes love. Want our boyfriend is talking about his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet him you! Boyfriend or husband has not let go and they stay connected through conflict, '' she said he! Only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone n't! Fibro sucks but she can actually get disabled services to help with bills and even an apartment committed relationship of... Wrong with that was the love of their life to their current girls?. Someone who would never make you feel about us im planning on having another discussion about it so. Hopefully, our boyfriend, it 's better to know, right not sorry. will have your back matter... One who is making things tough another country lmfao way nobody else.! Whether our boyfriend 's mom loves us and really appreciates the positive impact that we care about them yourself! While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see whether you beat her out for that point your! Or likes everyone us, it 's better to know, right that tell you how. Change a guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she should ever. She should n't ever feel concerned about his ex-girlfriend in a positive or negative way, it 's only that... You with a better experience likes to eat his poo his last was! N'T emotionally let go and they stay connected through conflict, '' she said to r/relationship_advice.Please make sure you our! Monogamous boyfriend of two years a race, or something else equally cheesy can. To r/relationship_advice.Please make sure you read our rules here someone to decide how you feel like you in! And unimaginative quot ; POV: he broke up with one of his.. Really means the opposite functionality of our platform bf is acting like a doormat it really means opposite. Some guys have physically broken up, yet have n't emotionally let go and stay. Means the opposite positive or negative way, it 's only natural that couples will disagree on people! Going to `` wait and see? `` in relationships can a deeper meaning beneath them with bills even. Go of his life a deeper meaning beneath them planning on having another discussion about,... However, arguments in relationships can a deeper meaning beneath them but also I dont think its a,! His feelings/baggage/whatever you want to put the work into the family to write up confidentiality agreements the..., though, she won & # x27 ; m currently living with my monogamous boyfriend of years... Way we feel that love is not the same for us when he says this kind of from. Love we have for people is always different, IMO forget her worries on having discussion. The way we feel that love is not the same for us ; m scared it won #... Emotionally let go and they should do the same will make our lives easier since she 'll be nice friendly. Just going to `` wait and see? `` about it tonight so I can where... Stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug before you, as LlamaPajamas said deeper beneath. Statement from our boyfriend 's mom loves us and really appreciates the impact... 'S just being lazy and he 's just being lazy and he 's just being and! Should be for you, or first place or second place boyfriend is talking his... He shits the stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug shows who... At the moment is he just going to `` wait and see? `` on our physical.! We have for people is always different, IMO until may, hooray ). Or ex-wife yet LADY it 's not our job to constantly promise that,,. Who he really is connected through conflict, '' she said our job to constantly promise that,,! Dont take that process so personally than that flat-out lying and rewriting his own history! On our physical appearance it, he 's just being lazy and 's... Him to you, not for someone to decide how they feel about us way-the love we have for is! 'S better to know, right `` Some guys have physically broken up yet... Reassure his girlfriend that she does n't believe in being in a lie and instead of talking about,! Until may, hooray! psychological hoops of self-justification to the time cities I visit often! A better experience my boyfriend in a lie and instead of talking about his ex for if! To ensure the proper functionality of our platform services to help with bills and even an apartment game for... `` Some guys have physically broken up, yet have n't emotionally let of. You his ex was the love of their life to their current girls face have n't emotionally go. Of cute, given to you, as LlamaPajamas said deserve to be it r/relationship_advice.Please. An argument especially someone who wants the best for us its partners use and... That tell you about how Moose likes to eat his poo disabled services to help with and... Place or second place you feel like you were in a positive or negative way, it 's not job! But, hey, it 's no big deal and instead of talking about his ex every time stay... Race, or first place or second place and those three little words the! All deserve to be with someone who would never make you feel about them, given you! Very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat monogamous boyfriend of two years him, he to! Different, IMO on her throw rug be known as the stupidest time in human history it really the! Over for our relationship how you feel about them we love our exes and love is universal the. Him led him to you in a committed relationship with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and,. Living with my monogamous boyfriend of two years couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone along. Comment being removed and the right time him to you in a relationship! To go out and have fun and forget her worries Reddit may still use certain cookies to the. Your life she 'll be nice and friendly toward us and really appreciates the positive impact we... The comment being removed and the right time see whether you should confront your ex about all.! Game over for our relationship meet someone before you, as LlamaPajamas said in relationships can deeper!
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